Starting Or Joining A MIB Group

It's easier than you think!

The power of Men in Balance's "Basic Conversations"  -- a six-week program in which small groups of men meet to discuss meaty topics -- is that if offers men an opportunity that most rarely get. They can talk about stuff they've been wanting to talk about, right out in the open. There's not much more point to the Basic Conversations curriculum than that.

We think men can lead better, more balanced lives, and believe that meaningful dialogue with other men is a big step towards that goal.

But the really neat thing about the MIB sessions I've been to (and recently, helped lead) is that once the conversation ball starts rolling you never know where it will go or when it will stop. There is a surprise in every conversation and that's a big surprise if you think about it.

MIB's small group discussions can be organized in any way. It could be a group at work, at the golf course, in your neighborhood. But because these sessions, and MIB in general, has, at its core, a spiritual component, nearly all the groups to date have been organized through churches.

Some groups have included members of different congregations and denominations, but most of the time everyone comes from the same group. That suggests a certain homogeneity in the groups. A roomful of  Methodists or Presbyterians or Lutherans from the same community, maybe even the same neighborhood, doesn't sound like the picture of diversity.  But in every group I've been involved with, or heard about it, that idea is wrong.

From the moment the first question is tossed out, the conversation takes more twists and turns than a downhill slalom. Who knew that eight or nine people who, on the surface, appeared to be essentially the same old boring suburban guy could have experienced so many different situations?

The basic rule for Basic Conversations is that confidentiality is essential, so I can't offer a lot of specific examples. But I think a summary of the views and experiences dredged up one discussion point might give you the idea.

When a group at Huntersville United Methodist met not long ago, our first topic was fathers and fatherhood. In a room occupied by seven people we had a men who seemed to love their fathers deeply; men who didn't know their fathers at all (dad had jumped ship early in their life); men who had real problems with their fathers, both growing up and beyond.

We found out about fathers who came to this country from a foreign land, who were extremely active in their son's lives, who barely participated at all, who bordered on being abusive, who couldn't engage their children at all until long after the children were grown. The diversity of experiences was staggering, even though the diversity of the group, by any normal measure was not.

This same pattern continued for the next five weeks. No matter the question, the answers and responses were all over the board.

Now, this is not to say that we had nothing in common. Of course we did. One of the positives about discussing issues like those in MIB: "Basic Conversations" in a small group is the opportunity to gain useful perspective on challenges in our own life. But another benefit is the realization -- it usually comes pretty early on -- that no matter how strange we think our own lives are, or how terrible our demons, there is somebody else around who's lives and demons are just as strange.

All this is way of encouraging you to explore starting an MIB: Basic Conversations group at your church (or elsewhere). If you think it is too hard, be assured that MIB will supply you helpful materials that make it work. If think other men won't join you, let me tell you that there are plenty of men in any group you may belong to who are longing for something like this.

And if you think that it will be boring because the group you're thinking of drawing from is too much alike, let me tell you that that is not the case. We humans are a diverse bunch. Even the ones you think are just alike.

 

Tucker Mitchell