Ask Your Partner for a Report Card
Are you brave enough to ask your wife or partner for a report card on how you’re doing in the relationship? Why not? You get regular evaluations at work, so why not at home?
This is an exercise in trust and braveness. First, you have to be willing to hear some constructive criticism and, second, you need to be willing to see how others perceive you.
Most of us try really hard to give our families what they need. But sometimes we don’t know for sure what they need. Asking for a report card is a way to focus your attention on things that your partner may need more or less of. The trick is to drop the defensiveness and be willing to learn and improve for the sake of the marriage.
What should the report card include? Here are some possibilities:
Demonstration of affection
Making time for family
Keeping work in balance
Taking care of household chores
Sharing work responsibilities at home
Flexibility and willingness to compromise
Fairness in an argument
Attentiveness to children
Sharing decision making
Discussion of major topics before taking action
Financial responsibility
Willingness to be open and share feelings
Taking care of your health
Keeping the romance in the relationship
Genuinely hearing partner’s concerns
Non-defensive listening
Managing anger
Sexual attentiveness
Respect for partner
Of course, you should customize this list for your situation. You can even agree for both of you to give feedback—but only if she suggests it. Your job for now is to learn how you can improve in the relationship.
Remember, no defensiveness. You can ask questions to clarify her responses, but just take some time first to think about what you have learned.